Just Watch

I remember the days when I was a kid, and how "growing up" was one of the most exciting things. I would sit and dream about what my husband would be like, and what my kids would be like, what car I would drive and where we would live. Spoiler alert: growing up isn't always what it is cracked up to be.

Now, as a  young adult, I like to stop for a second and watch my daughter. Just watch.

Watch her breathing, thinking, learning, exploring.
Watch her taste the gravel from our flower beds (and heaven knows, at least one fist full of sand).
Watch her looking at the birds and feel the wind on her face.
Or sometimes, I catch her doing things without thinking, like dunking her head in her swimming pool or running with no where to go.
I watch her pick up her dolls and say "mama rock!" And I watch her watch me as I start to rock her babies and sing to them, much the same as I did to her when she was much smaller.

In those moments that I can see her watching me, not just looking, but really watching, I feel such a burden to teach her by example. After all, those are some of the best memories I have, watching, and learning from my mother.

In those moments, I remember the thoughts I have had that growing up isn't what I envisioned 90% of the time, but that it is much, much greater, happier, harder, and sweeter than I could ever comprehend.

So, Miss Sahara, thank you. Thank you for teaching me and helping me grow. Thank you for making me laugh and cry and think and imagine with you. Thank you for making me see beyond myself to the bright eyes of a girl who I would give anything for.